Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I miss you, Mommy.

Is that so hard to believe? I suppose so considering how much we used to fight.

When I close my eyes I can see you as you once were. You were a beautiful, intelligent and strong woman. The smartest woman I have ever known.
You had your own demons of course; You wrestled with them your whole life.
Most times by choice.
I hated that you wouldn't be rid of them.
I hated you.

You loved me and you wanted me. There were times when you couldn't take care of yourself, so I took care of us both. Our roles were reversed then as they are now.

I look at you. I can't believe my eyes. You are so small, so fragile.
Lost in your mind.
Gone from me forever.

It's horrible to watch you wither away. To know that this is how it is and that it will only get worse from here. Slowly but surely you will disappear...

Your body will be present but your mind will be gone.

I will take care of you. I will love you, bathe you and feed until that time when your body finally gives in.

I love you, Mommy.


  1. I am deeply saddened for your loss.

  2. ...

    I'm almost there with you, chica. *hugs*

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  4. Ok, trying again, having trouble typing, as I'm still crying. Wow.

  5. It's beautiful, and heartbreaking, and beautiful.

  6. Your ability to forgive and still reach out is amazing and inspiring. I'm sorry that she has reached this point. I'm glad that you have this time with her though.

  7. I can't tell you how happy I am that you are in a place in your life to be able to do this for your mother, I am sad for what you are going through, but happy that you are able to. Reading this brought tears to my eyes...

  8. Gods bless the people like you in our world... Can't imagine what you've had to go through and are going through, but you've got a beautiful heart and soul. You have an incredible strength...

  9. I promised I'd peek in. Damn. This had to be the first one I read? I'm sorry it's sucking right now. Your momma needs you and you have to take care of her. Someday, you might need the same. All of us need a shoulder to lean on. It's tough but you're a strong spirit. I know you can do it.

  10. This hits home for me, only in a different way. I remember being under the age of ten and going to work with her. I'd watch her type so fast and knew I wanted to be just like her. Those were the good days, when I was too young to see the wrong.

    Beautifully written.