Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Inside My Head

I sit here alone in my head, wondering to myself: How did I get here?

Looking around at all my random thoughts and feelings.

Far too many to list, I dare only share a few.
Hurt, Confusion, Joy, Sadness, Excitement, Exhaustion.

How could I have been so blind?

How could I have been so stupid?

I tricked myself into thinking things would be okay.

I am a fool, such a fool.

It has been a long time since I had these kinds of thoughts and feelings.

They’re not easy to handle.

What should I do?

How do I bundle them up and put them back in their places.

There are too many of them.

The mind is a dangerous neighborhood to play in.

I have been warned NEVER to go there alone; yet here I sit.

Alone in my head, drowning a sea of thoughts and emotions.

It’s dark and lonely and I can’t seem to keep my head above the water.

Swimming through the wreckage before me, I am shocked and overwhelmed at the site of two old friends; expectation and disappointment.

It's been a while since I’ve seen either of them.

How interesting it is to me that they still hang around, forever present, for the long haul it seems.

I should have known that they would both still be together.

Forever patient; waiting to be awakened.

We were such close friends in the past. Playing games with each other.

Seeking situations that allowed me to wallow in my own self pity.

The good old days are long gone now. I no longer see them as friends.

I would rather shove them under the water and drown them.

I remember with clarity now... I see how they brought me no relief, no peace.

They keep calling to me and I find that I cannot turn away. I hate them and love them at the same time.

Oh look there’s confusion again. Rearing its ugly head and silently begging to be paid attention to.

These emotions run rampant in my head. The thoughts that accompany them are maddening.

I suppose I’ll be here for a while longer. I’m not ready to part from my old companions. They feel like an old worn blanket, wrapping them selves around every part of me until I feel as though I might suffocate.


  1. *hugs* God, I wish you weren't across the damn country. I'm here for you, sweetie, and I love you!

  2. Thank you for letting us into your thoughts and feelings. I love that you can describe your feelings so well that I can feel them with you.

  3. I am so glad that you wrote this out and shared it with us. Thank you. Such a beautiful mind you have. I am lucky to be counted as a friend. This was heartbreaking and breathtaking.

  4. I am so grateful to have such an amazing friend, you are very much cherished. And it is so nice to read these feelings that I myself have felt on so many occasions. Thank you.

  5. Everybody feels like this at one time or another. The difference between those that get better and those that get worse are those who talk it out with family and friends. You're doing the right thing by letting out this shit. I like that you write. It gives me more stuff to read. Not that I enjoy reading...much.