Inside My Head

I sit here alone in my head, wondering to myself: How did I get here?

Looking around at all my random thoughts and feelings.

Far too many to list, I dare only share a few.
Hurt, Confusion, Joy, Sadness, Excitement, Exhaustion.

How could I have been so blind?

How could I have been so stupid?

I tricked myself into thinking things would be okay.

I am a fool, such a fool.

It has been a long time since I had these kinds of thoughts and feelings.

They’re not easy to handle.

What should I do?

How do I bundle them up and put them back in their places.

There are too many of them.

The mind is a dangerous neighborhood to play in.

I have been warned NEVER to go there alone; yet here I sit.

Alone in my head, drowning a sea of thoughts and emotions.

It’s dark and lonely and I can’t seem to keep my head above the water.

Swimming through the wreckage before me, I am shocked and overwhelmed at the site of two old friends; expectation and disappointment.

It's been a while since I’ve seen either of them.

How interesting it is to me that they still hang around, forever present, for the long haul it seems.

I should have known that they would both still be together.

Forever patient; waiting to be awakened.

We were such close friends in the past. Playing games with each other.

Seeking situations that allowed me to wallow in my own self pity.

The good old days are long gone now. I no longer see them as friends.

I would rather shove them under the water and drown them.

I remember with clarity now... I see how they brought me no relief, no peace.

They keep calling to me and I find that I cannot turn away. I hate them and love them at the same time.

Oh look there’s confusion again. Rearing its ugly head and silently begging to be paid attention to.

These emotions run rampant in my head. The thoughts that accompany them are maddening.

I suppose I’ll be here for a while longer. I’m not ready to part from my old companions. They feel like an old worn blanket, wrapping them selves around every part of me until I feel as though I might suffocate.