Just Decide

Emotions overwhelming
Twisting and knotting
I’m drowning
I can’t breathe
My words thrown
Back at me
Swallowing my need
To know
To understand
Explain it please
Enlighten me
Punish me
Save me from my sin
I’m sinking
Don’t you see
You own me
With Power
From your fingertips
You determine
What will be
Fight with me
Stay with me
Or leave me to die
Just decide

Broken Me

My selfishness knows no bounds.
Infecting the choices I make.

Running from all responsibility.
Denying the harm evenly spread.

Hopeless and helpless insanity.
Tempting God's of understanding.

A fraud running from reality.
Faster and faster I bleed.

Stolen moments of happiness.
Borrowing what's not mine.

Soiling my earned redemption.
My once saved soul now damned.

My make-up now complete.
A presentable face on display.

Saving my coins of despair.
A price surely to be paid.

The beautiful disaster that's me.
Do you love what you see?

My God Sized Hole

Darkness and emptiness overwhelm me.

I cant stand this feeling. Being inside my own skin is hell.
I am empty.
I cannot breathe.

I love you and hate you at the same time.
I hate myself always.
I despise what I have become.
You give me nothing and everything and it is never enough.

I am left with feelings of doubt and self loathing.
Alone in my mind wondering what I did wrong.
How can I make it better? How can I make you love me more.

You wont give me an inch for fear that I will take a mile.
You are right, I will take a mile.
I will take everything you are.
I will bleed you dry and it will never be enough.
You can never be enough.

My insides are empty.
I have no idea who I am or what I want to be.

Are you the next victim?
Will you be the one that is enough to make me feel OK in my own skin?

The ones that have come before you have all fallen short.

Are you willing to risk everything that you are; to be bled dry in hopes that you are enough?
Will you try and fill up my God sized hole; the hole that resides where my heart used to be?

Are you my new God?