Be Gone

Cold darkness
Rents space in my mind
Unwanted cravings
Ever present
You’ve become my religion
My God of understanding
Curled into a ball
Casting you from my mind
Be gone from me
You’re uninvited
This fantasy
Beckons me
Mesmerizes me
Looking away becomes
An exercise in futility
Your claws reach
Deep into my soul
Tearing away
My timid resolve
You’ve identified
Every weakness
One taste
One touch
Proves devastating
Curled into a ball
I cast you from my mind
Be gone from me
Please—

Blurred

Lines of certainty
Appear blurred
Stretched out among
Miles of unknown territory
Before my eyes
Nothing feels consistent
Self awareness
A distant memory
Distorted thoughts
Govern everything
Impairing judgment
I no longer trust
My own beliefs
Mindless moments
Crowded with insecurity
Who am I
Now that you’re gone
Who will I be

Worthy

I gave up
Gave in
I’d given enough
My heart misses you
My mind rejects you
It still hurts
Raw skin burns
My love ran deep
Fierce and loyal
More than you deserved
It was a game for you
Nothing more
I begged
On my knees
Pleaded
You presented
Only shameful apathy
I should have seen
But in the beginning
I was struck blind
Mesmerized
By your sweet eyes
Clever words
Your lying smile
No longer worthy
Remember I used to be?
Finally I see clearly
It was you
Who wasn’t worthy of me

Vision

Stripped of the eyes
I once gazed clearly through
A single shift in position
Undoubtedly changed the vision
An entirely new scrutiny
Dissimilar to before
Igniting a war of emotions
Contradictory
They spar with one another
Toil and tumble
Quietly destroying
Every memory
I do not care for this
Vision replaced anew
My recollection is muddied
Soiled with inconsistencies
It no longer fits
The pretty picture
Formerly perceived
Through my new eyes
I can see unmistakably
It was all make-believe
It was all
Me

Willingly

Reality flickers brightly
On an unfamiliar road

Starbursts blossoming
Tears blur everything

Unsteady in my course
Unsure of my beginning

Open wounds
Still raw

One step forward
Two back

It seems
I’m forever trapped

Deeply yearning inside
Maybe for all time

I fell and cracked in pieces
Cluttering the ground before you

Shattering the window
I had always stared through

Seeking your soul
A vortex promising nothing

You let me go
Willingly

How I wish it had been
Regretfully

Does it matter to you that I’m gone?
It matters to me

The Memory

I sit and gaze
Inside the looking glass
It reflects clearly a time
Long since past
Overflowing with memories
Your smiling eyes
Linger before me
Your voice clear
A lullaby in my mind
The feel of your mouth
Pressed softly to mine
Our arms wrapped tightly
In a lovers embrace
A smile graces your lips
A giggle escapes mine
Twirling and laughing
The reverie of our play
Inspires a smile
This is what I needed
What I longed for
Watching the memory
Reaching out
My fingers find
The coolness of the glass
Lingering briefly
The image blurs
I am reminded once again
What I see is the past
A moment in time
A solitary window
Reflecting
My current reality