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Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Endless Loop

Caught in an endless loop.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

I do cry a lot, yes.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

A friendship is gone.

And now I cry, every day.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

So much confusion.

Promises made then destroyed.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

Promises made then destroyed.

So much confusion.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

And now I cry, every day.

A friendship is gone.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

I do cry a lot, yes.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Caught in an endless loop.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Real



Warm flesh
Heart and soul
Keeping time within
A calming pulse
My voice
An affectionate melody
Inside your mind
Trust and dignity
Sarcasm dipped in humor
And bits of insanity
Wrapped up complete
Packaged with sweets
Arms stretched out
Willing to be held
Soft and tender
Against my breast
Embracing reality
I’m real for you
You
Every part of me
My wish
A single hope
Be real for me
Me

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Blurred

Lines of certainty
Appear blurred
Stretched out among
Miles of unknown territory
Before my eyes
Nothing feels consistent
Self awareness
A distant memory
Distorted thoughts
Govern everything
Impairing judgment
I no longer trust
My own beliefs
Mindless moments
Crowded with insecurity
Who am I
Now that you’re gone
Who will I be

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Willingly

Reality flickers brightly
On an unfamiliar road

Starbursts blossoming
Tears blur everything

Unsteady in my course
Unsure of my beginning

Open wounds
Still raw

One step forward
Two back

It seems
I’m forever trapped

Deeply yearning inside
Maybe for all time

I fell and cracked in pieces
Cluttering the ground before you

Shattering the window
I had always stared through

Seeking your soul
A vortex promising nothing

You let me go
Willingly

How I wish it had been
Regretfully

Does it matter to you that I’m gone?
It matters to me

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Looking Glass

What’s behind your eyes,

Seized under lock and key?


What secrets do you hold

Within the pools of your soul?


Don’t fear your truth.

It doesn’t define you, as you believe.


Turn to the looking glass,

That’s where I’ll be.


Tell me your stories.

I’m listening.


In them, there’s beauty.

You will see.


It’s all just a memory.

Not the designation of who you’re meant to be.


Behind your eyes,

Lingers truth and vulnerability.


Turn to my looking glass,

I will set you free.