Irony

This was something my son, Matthew, wrote back in July of 2014. I found it quite moving...maybe you will too.

 ~ ~ ~ 

His self-confidence waxes and wanes based on what niceties she chooses to allot him that day. How he chooses to use them is hardly sensible, adding a positive to a larger negative still produces a negative.

His immediate goal is to absorb the happiness and coerce her into giving him more. There is precious little time. If he can't make her love him now then he might miss his chance.

He checked his logic at the airport when he picked her up. Thinking objectively is to no avail, a boy loves a girl and wants his love reciprocated so badly, he is willing to change himself.

The great irony is he has no idea what she wants, he becomes a quiet, jealous, nervous, over thinker. He is making himself less attractive, he lays sleepless thinking about her while she dreams of a better tomorrow.

 Fuck...

His Journey

The velvet night sky stretches wide

A lonely canvas painted by clouded memories
Love eagerly seeks a place
Away from the brewing storm
To rest his weary soul

A Heart sings a call above frigid winds
Beyond creation it waits
With limitless calm and patience
For Love to find his way
Back home

Thunder crashes
Lightning brightens the darkened sky
The Heart’s song penetrates the deafening rain
Its chorus woven and complete
Fueled with adoring passion and simple melody

Love hears the Heart’s call
Rising above the mutiny
He launches and soars beyond winds high
His delicate spirit touches and ignites the stars
Then winks at the moon as he travels by

He knows the Heart promises reprieve
Warmth and peace
The Heart swells and beats in anticipation
As finally Love settles before it

His journey is over
Love has found his place
The heart cradles him
Within its arms
Soothing Love’s tired soul

He sleeps

~~~

For Sterling
01/04/12

Rest easy now, my friend. You will be missed, always.

Dreams

There is a difference
Between knowing something
And believing it

A window into my soul was opened
All my dreams flew into your arms
And you held them

Such a fleeting amount of time

Then you let them go
And they fell to the ground
At your feet

My breath seized
I waited
For a word
A sign
Some measure of understanding
And nothing came

My dreams lingered unclaimed
My heart abandoned to beat alone

That window into my soul
Slammed closed
The glass cracked within its frame
Distorting the view I knew
And reflecting what I refused to believe

My dreams flew away
On winds of change
Tears streamed down my cheeks
And smothered my heart

I watched you walk away
And I let you go

You said I had to

Love Remains

Your question is one of sincerity:
When love becomes all that remains, is it durable enough
to battle the pain and anger that threaten to take its place?

There is a dwelling, beyond the boundaries of my humanity, where this love
sits and waits. It waits for you.
It’s solid and true.

Love...

An indestructible force with walls fortified by trust, honesty and
immeasurable amounts of authenticity.
It triumphs over false perceptions, mistaken intentions and unrealistic expectations.

My answer is one of equal sincerity:
When love becomes all that remains, yes, it is durable enough to conquer anything.
It transforms into the balm that our broken hearts need.

When love is all that remains…
It is all we need.
And it becomes everything.

Eternally

Our fairytale was
Written bold and clean
Woven between
Lies that became
Truth that became
Fantasy

Yours and mine

Excuses once
Logical now seem
Mundane and
Reality will always
Be love
I’ll love you
Eternally connected
Forever

Perhaps mystically

No matter how far
You stray
From me no matter
How long you
Stay away
Reality will always
Be love
You’ll love me
Eternally connected
Forever

To me

And bitter sweetness
Remains hidden inside
Our never ending
Fairytale
Of make-believe

Jagged Shards

I remember
When it was fresh and new
We laughed within
Endless hours of conversation
And then sat quietly for hours more
Discovering each other’s masks
Our many different faces

Carefully carved lines
Marked the path we
Trespassed
Keeping us safe
Yet trapping us
Bestriding the bond
Over a cavern of sin

Connecting fantasies
Dreams and nightmares
Indulging in wants
We shouldn't have
Taking what we pleased
In spite of consequence
Damning sanity

Breathing deep
Every moment
Each touch
Fire raged between us
An uncontrollable heat
Singeing our lips
With each passing kiss

Such intense emotion
At times neglected
Leaving my heart raw
In a defenseless state
Blurring the lines
In the blink of an eye
Between love and hate

The result could only be
Heartache
Broken dreams
Sweet hours of conversation
Now silenced by misery
Riding our merry-go-round
We twirled

Sitting quietly became
A deliberate punishment
Yours or mine
Who’s to say
Amidst hurt feelings
And indifference
It’s all the same

Leaving me behind
In this broken state
All things sacred
Left in jagged shards
Crushed in justifiable
Yet uncalled for
Disdain

There is no glue
No way to repair
The broken mirror
Replicating me
A thousand different ways
There is no more pain
No blood left to bleed

The pretty mess
I willingly let you
Make of me
Do you see what I see?
Horrified by all
The memories
You stole from me

Can you still feel me?
Like you used to
Thoughts of you still haunt me
Do thoughts of me haunt you?
I suppose
It doesn’t really matter
If they do

Still
I remember
When it was fresh and new
We laughed within
Endless hours of conversation
And then sat quietly for hours more
Do you?

Lined With Gold

Layers of tattered papers
Hold penned sonnets
Long since expected
Declaring love
Whispered promises
Devotions to keep
Letters received
One followed by another
Spinning fairy tales
Crafted from whimsy
Tied neatly in a bow
Cleverly lined with gold
Now worn from hours
Of recitation
Committing each word
To my heart shaped box
Of memories
Your cherished notes
Ceased long ago
As did anticipated hope
There would be
One more
Read by moons light
These shadowed words
Display differently
For now I see
The fallacy played
A story believed
Conjuring my desire
To set them free
To be carried away
Upon stolen winds
Sent back
From where they came

My Bubble

A bubble is made
Of such fragile
Material
Thin and transparent
Defying gravity
Flitting from
Surface to sky
Gleaming in the sunlight
My bubble
Withstands storms
Callous skies
And Rocky ground
It floats
It persists
And remains intact
Heavy and weighed down
My bubble
Seems made from
Impenetrable steel
Yet still
Thin and transparent
Inside it I exist
Looking out
Watching you
As you look in
Watching me
I want to know
How can it remain
What would it take
For you
To burst my bubble
The one you helped create
And reinforce
For me
To finally touch
To feel
To taste
And to finally know
What my bubble was
Created to mean
If not for anything
But maybe
To finally set me free

Great Divide

You’re stirring
On the other side
Of our great divide
Your movements slow
Unpredictable
Your face a sullen mask
Once displaying anger
And now melancholy
I’m never certain
Which it will be
Please don’t
Don’t attempt to cross
The tattered bridge that
Still holds our souls connection
You’ll fall…we’ll fall
And I no longer wish to
Still too fragile and unable
To say no
The once beautiful waters
Have receded
Leaving nothing but
Scars in the walls that
Once held it true
A mass of wounds
Healing yet not healed
It’s not wise to disturb
The fresh balance achieved
Flowers will bloom again
Without the water
They once craved
My fragile line
Has been drawn
Stay on your side
Of our great divide
Your guilty hands
Can only bring harm

End of Story

Clumsily you spin
Upon your stage
How embarrassing

Do you dislike my hate
It’s of your creation
The one thing
You always asked of me
End of story

Do you wish
I’d still spin for you
I’d take your bait
Play our old game
This dance grows tiring

You must have forgotten
All things said
Every misstep
Despite the choreography

Warp your memory
Bend it to your will
Absolve yourself
Then look down on me
Condemn me again

Your wasted opinion
Means nothing
I won’t reach out
I’ll never call your name
You’re safe

Besides
You’re no match
For the likes of me

I Heard Them Clearly

One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
Your cunning cutting tongue
Slices my spoiled heart

My promises made
Were promises kept
And I’m still standing here
Holding foolishly
To a single strand of hope

Watching you walk away
Carrying the air I breathe
Wondering when you’ll love me again
Waiting for you to remember
Why you loved me before

Take with you as you go
The love I gave freely
Distort the depictions
Of you and me
Destroy our memory

One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
“I don’t want you anymore”
I assure you I heard them clearly

Disease

Your petty display
I’ve often overlooked
Refusing this fate
Loving you in spite of
Your obvious lies
I’ve had all I can take
I hate your hypocrite face

Truth is supposed to set me free
Yet I’m held captive
Inside this maze
Crawling with venomous
Vines dripping excuses
You crafted just for me

I hate you occupying my mind
Like a disease you’ve taken hold
And won’t let go
Infecting every inch of my soul
Spoiling everything I taste

There is no serenity
Wandering inside this pathetic joke
Cursing your memory
Screaming your name
Dying one moment at a time

Mostly I hate
That my hate still isn’t
Strong enough
To kill my love
Eradicating this contamination
Called you
A constant threat
To my sanity

Ever forgiving
Unconditional
Never faltering
Love
Stands strong
You don’t deserve an ounce
Not one drop of blood
From my heart
You don’t even deserve
My hate

Love

My mind clamors to escape
Visions battle
Of love
Of hate
Twisting spinning
Who will win this useless race?
Love is in the lead
A smile is all it takes
He holds her close
Coaxing her heart
From its hiding place
Heaven and Hell
Are one in the same
As his demeanor begins to change
Hate smothers love
Spoiling her foolish faith
Crumbs of lies litter her space
Soiling the gift she makes
Another round we go
Tell the Devil we said hello
No end to the cruelty of his soul
Sweet hate prevails
And finally takes
Love’s place

Words

Winds whisper your words to me
I love you
And repeat
A million different ways

Your many faces
Make no difference to me
Only memories
A movie reel on repeat
Showing what was
Playing what is
Projecting what will never be

Tainted pictures painted of me
The story told
Words written in angry disdain
Cause pain
Yet hold no weight
Only the million ways
I love you
Inevitably warmed me
Remains

The pain hides within my eyes
My smile
Nothing more than polite disguise
Unchangeable and ever beautiful
To everyone but you

Again the winds whisper
Devoid of your feelings
Feelings I shouldn’t want or need
Feelings that mean too much to me

Breathless

My breath escapes
Held captive
By your rhapsody
My soul lay bare
Beneath entrancing whispers
And translucent eyes
My heart open
To caress
My body yours
To possess
My response for any request
Will always be
A breathless
Yes
Come back to me
My body craves you
My ethereal love
Wrap your mind
Inside mine
Become real
And love me
One last time

Lover Bemused

Scornful dreams
Tempting screams
Wiping tears away
Denial is thick
My bitter drug
Charmed intensity
To fight
To breathe
Hold tight
I’ll navigate
Delusions anew
Cloaked gestures
Birthed by identity
My enemy
Risks sanity
My soul bleeds true
Lover bemused
I’m yours

The Ache

Where do we go when we’re left alone? When the things we want or wish for are taken from us and the pain becomes so great that there is no room for anything but the ache?

It consumes everything.

How is it that you can walk away? Don’t you see? You’re integrated into every part of me. The secrets of my soul are yours to keep, to cherish or file away.

I have no choice. You’ll haunt me, a ghost that follows me through all my days and every dream. The last thought before I sleep, the first thought when I wake.

A constant presence that won’t ever leave, even as I suffocate.

You’ve turned and walked away, but I’ll never be free. Your words will play in my mind thousands of times.

“I love you, and I’m sorry."
A melody and a curse in so few words

“I love you too, and no one is sorrier than me.”
I can’t breathe.

Where do I go since you've left me alone? The things I want or wish for you’ve taken from me and the pain is so great that there is no room for anything but the ache.

It’s consuming everything.

Home

Let me embrace you
Provide solace
Fears cannot linger
Doubts no longer haunt
Dreams and waking thoughts
Feed upon my nourishing touch
Drink from my soul
Your home within my heart
The soft place
You always know is safe
And recognize
Every part of me
As your own

3 Guest Poems by Tacoma Firefly

Here are 4 poems I am posting for a very old friend of mine. He goes by Tacoma Firefly. If we're lucky he'll start his own blog soon because I think there is much more where these came from.


We

We swim in the pool of honesty.
We dance on the clouds of truth.
We sing the songs of friendship.
We taunt with the ideas of tomorrow.
We stumble from the pains of yesterday.
We walk on the flames of lust.
We ride on the backs of heartache.
We feast on the fruit of trust.
We treasure our time together.
We sleep on the bed of dreams.

****

My One

Let me greet you at the banks of desire.
Let us swell in our lust for companionship.
Forgive me for my penetrating stare.
Take your breath.
Let not your passion heed to the thoughts of our past.
But instead embrace them knowing you’re not alone.
I migrate to the scent of your temptation.
Give in to my touch.
Spread open and surround me like the Gossamer rings of Jupiter.
My one is you and you are my one.

****

Pleasure or Pain

A pinch.
A prick.
A pound.
A pump.

A friend.
A finger.
A bite.
A bump.

A pill.
A tingle.
A dopamine dump.

A kiss.
A touch.
A spank on a rump.

Just Me

Standing alone
Though many faces
Exist around me
In this house
Full of painted scenes
Loneliness still wins
My screaming mind
Rises above
Registers attention
From none
Arms stretched out
Seeking comfort
I’m lost
Please
Silence my pleas
Just me
Alone and waiting
For a single
Special essence
The healing balm
That quiets my
Aching dreams