Perfect For Me

Shame is a waste
A seemingly useless emotion
Slithering like a snake
It sneaks up on you
Thickens and constricts
Sucks the life out of victims
Feeds on the hearts and souls
Of the innocent and damned
Consumes every inch of tender skin
Spreading venom through frail bodies
It poisons everything
It’s poisoning me
Weakened past the point of reason
Insanity begins to take control
Swirling thoughts of madness reign
And become truth
Nothing is what it seems
I am no longer me
Such a cruel twist of fate
And you are no longer you
The hatred inside you grows
It surrounds you and taints all things
You wish to keep safe
You hate yourself
Likely more than you hate me
And though I am weak
From touching you
I know deep inside my dying soul
The damage you have done
Can never be undone
Gone is the person I thought
You were
Perfectly imperfect
Perfect for me
Now all I see is a vile shell
Your mark has been made
This task complete
And as I take my dying breath
A single moment of clarity blooms
Shame has proven its usefulness
After all
It’s destroyed both you
And me
Though there was never really
‘You and Me’
There was only you

Jagged Shards

I remember
When it was fresh and new
We laughed within
Endless hours of conversation
And then sat quietly for hours more
Discovering each other’s masks
Our many different faces

Carefully carved lines
Marked the path we
Trespassed
Keeping us safe
Yet trapping us
Bestriding the bond
Over a cavern of sin

Connecting fantasies
Dreams and nightmares
Indulging in wants
We shouldn't have
Taking what we pleased
In spite of consequence
Damning sanity

Breathing deep
Every moment
Each touch
Fire raged between us
An uncontrollable heat
Singeing our lips
With each passing kiss

Such intense emotion
At times neglected
Leaving my heart raw
In a defenseless state
Blurring the lines
In the blink of an eye
Between love and hate

The result could only be
Heartache
Broken dreams
Sweet hours of conversation
Now silenced by misery
Riding our merry-go-round
We twirled

Sitting quietly became
A deliberate punishment
Yours or mine
Who’s to say
Amidst hurt feelings
And indifference
It’s all the same

Leaving me behind
In this broken state
All things sacred
Left in jagged shards
Crushed in justifiable
Yet uncalled for
Disdain

There is no glue
No way to repair
The broken mirror
Replicating me
A thousand different ways
There is no more pain
No blood left to bleed

The pretty mess
I willingly let you
Make of me
Do you see what I see?
Horrified by all
The memories
You stole from me

Can you still feel me?
Like you used to
Thoughts of you still haunt me
Do thoughts of me haunt you?
I suppose
It doesn’t really matter
If they do

Still
I remember
When it was fresh and new
We laughed within
Endless hours of conversation
And then sat quietly for hours more
Do you?

A Man

Don’t forget
You tossed me away
Gave up everything
I’m no longer yours
Yours to possess
To caress your sin
Your mental plaything
Someone else claims me
He’s everything
Everything you wish you could be
A man
Not a boy
The fallacy
That hid before me
Does this inspire your hate?
Let’s keep it that way
You’ve been removed
From my heart
My mind
And my soul
I promise
You’ve been replaced

End of Story

Clumsily you spin
Upon your stage
How embarrassing

Do you dislike my hate
It’s of your creation
The one thing
You always asked of me
End of story

Do you wish
I’d still spin for you
I’d take your bait
Play our old game
This dance grows tiring

You must have forgotten
All things said
Every misstep
Despite the choreography

Warp your memory
Bend it to your will
Absolve yourself
Then look down on me
Condemn me again

Your wasted opinion
Means nothing
I won’t reach out
I’ll never call your name
You’re safe

Besides
You’re no match
For the likes of me

Beautiful Pawns

Save all your words
All your love
The sweetness that drips
From your wandering fingertips
Keep it
Save it for someone
Anyone who’ll believe
For once that someone
Won’t be me
I no longer crave your lips
Painted with honeyed words
Words that now I see
Only attract flies
Caught desperately
In your trap
A dazzling twisted strategy
A few plotted lines and
They all believe
Beautiful pawns
To be played in your
Desperate game of chess
Endless calculations
Careful manipulations
Save all your words
All your love
Keep it
This pawn doesn’t
Want to play anymore

Disease

Your petty display
I’ve often overlooked
Refusing this fate
Loving you in spite of
Your obvious lies
I’ve had all I can take
I hate your hypocrite face

Truth is supposed to set me free
Yet I’m held captive
Inside this maze
Crawling with venomous
Vines dripping excuses
You crafted just for me

I hate you occupying my mind
Like a disease you’ve taken hold
And won’t let go
Infecting every inch of my soul
Spoiling everything I taste

There is no serenity
Wandering inside this pathetic joke
Cursing your memory
Screaming your name
Dying one moment at a time

Mostly I hate
That my hate still isn’t
Strong enough
To kill my love
Eradicating this contamination
Called you
A constant threat
To my sanity

Ever forgiving
Unconditional
Never faltering
Love
Stands strong
You don’t deserve an ounce
Not one drop of blood
From my heart
You don’t even deserve
My hate

Love

My mind clamors to escape
Visions battle
Of love
Of hate
Twisting spinning
Who will win this useless race?
Love is in the lead
A smile is all it takes
He holds her close
Coaxing her heart
From its hiding place
Heaven and Hell
Are one in the same
As his demeanor begins to change
Hate smothers love
Spoiling her foolish faith
Crumbs of lies litter her space
Soiling the gift she makes
Another round we go
Tell the Devil we said hello
No end to the cruelty of his soul
Sweet hate prevails
And finally takes
Love’s place

Naivety

My morbid reflection
Brings no understanding
Only hollow ache
Arrogant disdain
Your superfluous tool
Help cast aside
My lingering doubts
Polish and wipe your sins clean
Quickly now
Turn your whipping stick
Towards me
Ruthless strikes
Again and again
No mercy for the weak
Punishment is necessary
Though you’ll never really be clean
Mustn’t let them see
Please
Masquerade your lie
Be sure to highlight mine
Let the gauntlet fly
Condemn your very creation
Destroy every cell
Of my heart once held
Once loved
Incinerate any evidence
Of the error you made
Deny any responsibility
After all
It was my foolish
Naivety

Futile Struggle

No weakness
To be found
Within these walls
Erected long ago
Set firmly in place
No match for
Heart and mind
Especially mine
I’ve grown tired
Weary from this battle
A futile struggle
Unable to sustain
My soul is heavy
Filled with self loathing
Confusing love and hate
Dying a thousand deaths
In search of that which
Does not wish to be found
Miles upon miles
Manipulating God's
Orchestration of fate
Trudging a path
Riddled with bones
Withstanding tests of time
Foolishly believing it was mine

Battle

Two powerful energies

Fight a battle of familiar misery

Entangled in a war

Their purpose unclear

Yet they persist

Tempting the Gods

Tempting each other

Damning their souls

There is no rhyme

There is no reason

No solution in what they seek

Seemingly doomed

Crashing into one another

For eternity

Bathing in ambivalence

Vast passion compels them

To battle, to hold on

Ignoring all the rules

The seduction of power

Consumes all things between them

What is it they seek?

Could it be, simply

Understanding?

Haunting Lullaby

Hate you?

I can’t

Though I’ve tried

I miss too much of you

The laughter

The joking

The smile meant just for me

Your memory won’t

Let me sleep

Visions of you assault my dreams

A haunting lullaby

Lingers in my mind

I never meant for things to end

The method in which they did

A time wrapped in madness

I never intended

For you to hate me

Hate who you became

While with me

You’re not gone from me

I know you wish to be

I’m baffled

By the quickness

In which I’m gone from you

No…

I don’t hate you

I can’t

Though I’ve tried

Pursuit

Venomous lullabies

Ooze from my veins

Open and bleeding

Anger…Resentment…Hatred

Real reactions

Unreal emotions

Pain being verity

Hurt masks itself

In passive aggressive

Vindictiveness

Pursuit of justification

There is no end

What is it

God seeks from me?

Wants for me?

Much more than

What I seek for myself

Self righteous demonstrations

Of self

Selfish…Self-Centered

Yet God still loves me

Right where I stand

Patiently waiting

For my surrender

His will

Not mine

Recognizing that love

Still exists

If I just turn around

My Victim

Raging wars of

Love and hate

Turmoil

Angst

Hiding inside

My invisible mind

Blood

Thick with venom

Runs through me

Seeking you

My victim

You’re no match for me

Lick your lips

Your body craves me

You’ll scream my name

Buried inside

The heat of me

My temple

Sin

Deceit

Whispers your name

Come inside

Sweet

Raging wars of

Love and hate

Obligation

It's you again.
I remember you.

Such a familiar face.
Such a familiar tone.

I know your hate.
I know the venom you spew.

You were always this way.
But you don't remember do you?

You've got an excuse now.
No need for an apology.

Your waves of insanity crash over me.
I sputter and cough, trying to catch my breath.

You don't know do you?
You can't see can you?

You hurt and harm me.
Tear me to shreds with your words.

Don't worry, I'll stay.
Give you what's left of me.

Feed you. Bathe you.
Love you and hate you.

Nothing you want.
Everything that you need.