Posed

Discarded
Like an over-used accessory
Your well-worn doll
That sparkle once
Decorating my eyes
Must have grown dull
Your clouded vision of me
Determines my standing
Wait
Wasn’t I your favorite?
Your co-star
In this performance
Now cast aside
Only given
Barely a hasty glance
Perched upon some shelf
Collecting dust
An obsolete apparatus
Posed precisely
With a painted smile
Watching as you tickle
These newest versions
My understudies
Longing for the day
You’ll remember
The important role I played
Maybe you’ll remove me
From this artful display
Once you grow tired of
Your shiny playthings

Perfect For Me

Shame is a waste
A seemingly useless emotion
Slithering like a snake
It sneaks up on you
Thickens and constricts
Sucks the life out of victims
Feeds on the hearts and souls
Of the innocent and damned
Consumes every inch of tender skin
Spreading venom through frail bodies
It poisons everything
It’s poisoning me
Weakened past the point of reason
Insanity begins to take control
Swirling thoughts of madness reign
And become truth
Nothing is what it seems
I am no longer me
Such a cruel twist of fate
And you are no longer you
The hatred inside you grows
It surrounds you and taints all things
You wish to keep safe
You hate yourself
Likely more than you hate me
And though I am weak
From touching you
I know deep inside my dying soul
The damage you have done
Can never be undone
Gone is the person I thought
You were
Perfectly imperfect
Perfect for me
Now all I see is a vile shell
Your mark has been made
This task complete
And as I take my dying breath
A single moment of clarity blooms
Shame has proven its usefulness
After all
It’s destroyed both you
And me
Though there was never really
‘You and Me’
There was only you

The Joke

Are you done yet
Have I bled enough
Honestly could I ever bleed
Enough for you to be happy

You’ve justified your misdeed
Twisted it in your mind
Made yourself believe
I was just a lapse in sanity

You created a story
A manipulated masterpiece
It fit the picture you needed
To prove your innocence

You told me I meant everything
Though clearly this new version
Makes you the martyr
You desperately need to be

You’ve stained every word
Held sacred by me
What does it matter
What mattered to me

I was the joke
You could never leave
Until
You finally did

I Heard Them Clearly

One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
Your cunning cutting tongue
Slices my spoiled heart

My promises made
Were promises kept
And I’m still standing here
Holding foolishly
To a single strand of hope

Watching you walk away
Carrying the air I breathe
Wondering when you’ll love me again
Waiting for you to remember
Why you loved me before

Take with you as you go
The love I gave freely
Distort the depictions
Of you and me
Destroy our memory

One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
“I don’t want you anymore”
I assure you I heard them clearly

Words

Winds whisper your words to me
I love you
And repeat
A million different ways

Your many faces
Make no difference to me
Only memories
A movie reel on repeat
Showing what was
Playing what is
Projecting what will never be

Tainted pictures painted of me
The story told
Words written in angry disdain
Cause pain
Yet hold no weight
Only the million ways
I love you
Inevitably warmed me
Remains

The pain hides within my eyes
My smile
Nothing more than polite disguise
Unchangeable and ever beautiful
To everyone but you

Again the winds whisper
Devoid of your feelings
Feelings I shouldn’t want or need
Feelings that mean too much to me

So Willingly

You laughed
I became your fool

You stayed protected
I exposed eternity

Hiding your smile
While I cried
I’m pretty when I cry

Unmerited responsibility
Toyed with so frivolously

Didn’t you discern
The damage you would do

I loved you
Of course you knew
In my mind you loved me too

How can it be
You let me give so easily

I gave you all of me
And you took it

Every piece of me
You took and took
So Willingly

Tired

 

I’m tired from…

Needing more than

I’m needed

Giving more than

I’m given

Wishing more than

I’m wished for

Caring more than

I’m cared for

Crying more than

I’m cried for

Holding more than

I’m held

Touching more than

I’m touched

Fighting more than

I’m fought for

Loving more than

I’m loved

Wanting more than

I’m wanted

Too tired to…

Need

Give

Wish

Care

Cry

Hold

Touch

Fight

Love

Want

And far too tired for you

We

My trickle of hope
Leans across the pillow
Beside me
Words fall from your eyes
Soundless pleas
Meaning everything
Soothing heartache and pain
Leaping into your soul
Dancing in memories
Of We
Twisting together
A Connection
Withstanding sin
Cradled in hands of gods
An undying love
Produces simple yearning
Revealing trepidation
Trust lost to one
Leaving requests unfulfilled
Fear rules and strips devotion
In two
Severing the bond
One still holds true
Tears trickle
Across the pillow
Hope flickers
Then gone

Worthy

I gave up
Gave in
I’d given enough
My heart misses you
My mind rejects you
It still hurts
Raw skin burns
My love ran deep
Fierce and loyal
More than you deserved
It was a game for you
Nothing more
I begged
On my knees
Pleaded
You presented
Only shameful apathy
I should have seen
But in the beginning
I was struck blind
Mesmerized
By your sweet eyes
Clever words
Your lying smile
No longer worthy
Remember I used to be?
Finally I see clearly
It was you
Who wasn’t worthy of me

My Apology

I'm sorry

I didn't mean it
Insecurity bubbled over

Expectation bled through

I battled, I tried

I lost the war in my mind

The words burst forth

Passive aggressive music

Too loud in my head

My retaliation burns

Sickened as the words pass my lips

Undertones of pain

Hidden within the venom

You don't understand

Lost in my translation

Listen while I explain

I'm hurt...I still want you

I'm disappointed...I still need you

I'm confused...I still seek you

I hurt you...I love you

I'm sorry

Decision

Waiting
Wondering
Will it be today
Needing to know
Will you draw the line

Darkness
Uncertainty
Drowning in despair
You're words they linger
Begging me to set you free

Wanting
Needing you
Loving you still more
Our hands held in the fire
Insanely denying the very pain

Madness
Bleeding toxicity
Why do you stay with me
Why can't you see what I see
The beauty as you make love to me

Decision
In your heart
I want to always stay
Don't make me walk away
Hold your breath let me take your pain

Never Again

Your slip is showing. Your true colors revealed.

I see you've taken no care with your words.

They sting and drip with sarcasm and deceit.

Be careful what you say, certain harm cannot be cast away.

I offered you gifts.

Labeled as Friendship and unconditional love.

Now those gifts are spoiled.

Blackened by the venom of your words.

These things you should have held precious.

In delivering your poison, you've lost your dignity and grace.

Never again will I share.

You'll be alone in your misery, wrapped in your blanket with care.

Betrayed and Shattered (Written by my friend Susan G.)

My very close friend wrote this. She was just letting out her feelings in regards to a very painful situation in her life. This was the result. I thought it was beautiful so I have posted it on behalf of her.

Written by Susan G.

I can't breath.
I am in a hole, a dark spiraling emptiness.
There is no way out except through.

It is deadness, emptiness longing and love.
It breaks into the inner being of all I know to be right and true.
I am fighting for breath.

Struggling to survive this pain, this deadness, this loss.
I open my mouth to scream and no sound escapes me, yet my mouth remains open to release the ugliness.

Betrayed by the truth and the lies.
I hate who I am. I hide my disguise. Nothing is what it seems.
I believed, I loved, I lost.

The world seems dark, why is this so painful.
All that I believed is shattered.
Someone has died, it is ME.

I can't bear the pain.
Does he know what he has done?
Can't he see what has happened to me?

I am lost and alone, empty and frightened.
I feel the darkness. I gasp for breath.
I never knew anything could cause such agony.

I loved so deeply, so blindly and now I am sliding.
An alien in my body; my heart is broken, lost in his betrayal.
Maybe tomorrow I can breathe.

Obligation

It's you again.
I remember you.

Such a familiar face.
Such a familiar tone.

I know your hate.
I know the venom you spew.

You were always this way.
But you don't remember do you?

You've got an excuse now.
No need for an apology.

Your waves of insanity crash over me.
I sputter and cough, trying to catch my breath.

You don't know do you?
You can't see can you?

You hurt and harm me.
Tear me to shreds with your words.

Don't worry, I'll stay.
Give you what's left of me.

Feed you. Bathe you.
Love you and hate you.

Nothing you want.
Everything that you need.