![]() |
Photo credit: Blackman Whitelife |
Come along on a magic roller coaster ride through my mind...
It'll be fun, I promise.
Monday, May 16, 2016
And Still...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Endless Loop
When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.
But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.
Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.
My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.
Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.
It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.
Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.
And now I cry, every day.
A friendship is gone.
My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.
Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.
But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.
When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.
Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.
Caught in an endless loop.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Dreams

Between knowing something
And believing it
A window into my soul was opened
All my dreams flew into your arms
And you held them
Such a fleeting amount of time
Then you let them go
And they fell to the ground
At your feet
My breath seized
I waited
For a word
A sign
Some measure of understanding
And nothing came
My dreams lingered unclaimed
My heart abandoned to beat alone
That window into my soul
Slammed closed
The glass cracked within its frame
Distorting the view I knew
And reflecting what I refused to believe
My dreams flew away
On winds of change
Tears streamed down my cheeks
And smothered my heart
I watched you walk away
And I let you go
You said I had to
Friday, June 24, 2011
Posed
Discarded
Like an over-used accessory
Your well-worn doll
That sparkle once
Decorating my eyes
Must have grown dull
Your clouded vision of me
Determines my standing
Wait
Wasn’t I your favorite?
Your co-star
In this performance
Now cast aside
Only given
Barely a hasty glance
Perched upon some shelf
Collecting dust
An obsolete apparatus
Posed precisely
With a painted smile
Watching as you tickle
These newest versions
My understudies
Longing for the day
You’ll remember
The important role I played
Maybe you’ll remove me
From this artful display
Once you grow tired of
Your shiny playthings
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Lined With Gold

Layers of tattered papers
Hold penned sonnets
Long since expected
Declaring love
Whispered promises
Devotions to keep
Letters received
One followed by another
Spinning fairy tales
Crafted from whimsy
Tied neatly in a bow
Cleverly lined with gold
Now worn from hours
Of recitation
Committing each word
To my heart shaped box
Of memories
Your cherished notes
Ceased long ago
As did anticipated hope
There would be
One more
Read by moons light
These shadowed words
Display differently
For now I see
The fallacy played
A story believed
Conjuring my desire
To set them free
To be carried away
Upon stolen winds
Sent back
From where they came
Saturday, January 29, 2011
If Only...

If only
If only the words I say
Would make you change your mind
Could make you try
If only
If only you still wanted me
What I’d give to hold you
And have you love me
As you did before
Fear dictates reasoning
Choices made constrict
There is no air to breathe
Squeezing all life out of me
If only
If only you could be you
With me
Wishes don’t come true
And hope is a fool
If only
If only I’d chosen differently
The intersection
A defining crossroad
This foolish play destroyed
Tangled in memories
Tangled up in you
What could have been
What used to be
If only
If only the words I say
Would make you change your mind
Could make you come back
To me
Sunday, June 6, 2010
My Prison
Trapped and cold
My breath forms
Frozen rings of steam
Along the glass wall I’m trapped behind
My lungs burn and ache
My screams
Bounce back at me
Your name echoes inside my ears
Penetrating my emptiness
Pounding my fists
Stomping my feet
A child before you
Retaliating
My tantrum is all you perceive
You’re mistaken
Validation is what I seek
The balm I believe I need
One sign
One message
Anything resembling
Once thought truth and promises
Something I can again believe
Instead my soul dies
Shut away in this cold place
My prison
Erected and sealed
Out of sight
Out of mind
Turning your back
Leaving me to freeze
To beg and plead
To suffer
Slowly suffocating
My luster gone
My passion extinguished
Till there’s nothing left of me
