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Showing posts with label mourning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mourning. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Endless Loop

Caught in an endless loop.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

I do cry a lot, yes.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

A friendship is gone.

And now I cry, every day.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

So much confusion.

Promises made then destroyed.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

Promises made then destroyed.

So much confusion.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

And now I cry, every day.

A friendship is gone.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

I do cry a lot, yes.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Caught in an endless loop.

Friday, January 6, 2012

His Journey

The velvet night sky stretches wide
A lonely canvas painted by clouded memories
Love eagerly seeks a place
Away from the brewing storm
To rest his weary soul

A Heart sings a call above frigid winds
Beyond creation it waits
With limitless calm and patience
For Love to find his way
Back home

Thunder crashes
Lightning brightens the darkened sky
The Heart’s song penetrates the deafening rain
Its chorus woven and complete
Fueled with adoring passion and simple melody

Love hears the Heart’s call
Rising above the mutiny
He launches and soars beyond winds high
His delicate spirit touches and ignites the stars
Then winks at the moon as he travels by

He knows the Heart promises reprieve
Warmth and peace
The Heart swells and beats in anticipation
As finally Love settles before it

His journey is over
Love has found his place
The heart cradles him
Within its arms
Soothing Love’s tired soul

He sleeps

~~~

For Sterling
01/04/12

Rest easy now, my friend. You will be missed, always.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Intersection

Who is this person I see
This person before me
Is it reality?
Or something different
Entirely
Is it true?
Is it really you?
The proof before my eyes
You…
It couldn’t be
A part of me can’t believe it’s true
Maybe you showed me
Someone you used to be
A slightly younger version
Who you wish you
Could still be
But never will be
The intersection you presented
You placed in my hands
Without knowing it
You showed me everything
Told me all I was missing
For now I see
Everything you hid from me
Never wanted me to see
Me to know
Me
Who has always been me
Laid bare before you
But not you
You’re a lie
Your own fantasy
A false image you presented
Yourself to be
Didn’t you know?
Maybe it would have been okay
Had you trusted me
With the actual you
A choice
And now
There is nothing
But lies and fallacy
And now I’ve no choice
But to be done with you
I’m done
Whoever you may be
Now I’ll mourn the loss of who
I believed you to be

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Willingly

Reality flickers brightly
On an unfamiliar road

Starbursts blossoming
Tears blur everything

Unsteady in my course
Unsure of my beginning

Open wounds
Still raw

One step forward
Two back

It seems
I’m forever trapped

Deeply yearning inside
Maybe for all time

I fell and cracked in pieces
Cluttering the ground before you

Shattering the window
I had always stared through

Seeking your soul
A vortex promising nothing

You let me go
Willingly

How I wish it had been
Regretfully

Does it matter to you that I’m gone?
It matters to me

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Blackened

Wallowing in me

Huddled in a soothing

Embrace of self…

Selfishness

Self-centered

Self…

I’ve no idea

Who or what

I will be

When I’m gone

Will I find lucidity?

Each direction I turn

Walls close slowly

Devouring the last of my sanity

Everything dead

Blackened

Painted by your hand

Fleeting moments of clarity

In between monotonous

Decomposing memories

I’m quite certain

You’re alone

Rotting and cold

Coloring the walls of the box

Containing your soul

Wallowing in you

Huddled in a soothing

Embrace of the box

Remembering who

I thought you were

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Why?

Loss.
Such a small word
harbors such devastation.
No explanation,
a lack of understanding,
things change too quickly.
In the blink of an eye
people are gone.
They turn away and
I'm left
with only this word.
This word
which means so many things,
I'm unable to explain.
Without choice
I am left with only
one thought,
one question:
"Why?"