Protected by Copyscape DMCA Takedown Notice Checker
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Your Grave



The man in the moon dances
Among shadowed graves
Guilty souls reach
From their supposed resting place
Harmonizing as one
Singing their stories
Climbing beyond the winds
A chorus of broken dreams
Regrets and half measures
Paltry attempts at love
Tales spun from tainted imaginings
Deceit speckled with loyalty
Do you recall their faces?
Can you evoke their names?
Once all is said and done
When your grave is dug
Will anyone recall your face?
Will anyone care to evoke your name?
I’m sure the souls will welcome your song

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Endless Loop

Caught in an endless loop.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

I do cry a lot, yes.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

A friendship is gone.

And now I cry, every day.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

So much confusion.

Promises made then destroyed.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

It’s a physical pain. And I can only cry, so I do.

Often my mind rolls over the reasons given. When they were spoken to me, each one felt like a knife plunging into my beating heart. Now when I recall them it’s as if that knife is still embedded in my flesh, and with each memory twists deeper.

Promises made then destroyed.

So much confusion.

Unbelievable misunderstanding.

I'm mourning and I don’t want to let go.

And now I cry, every day.

A friendship is gone.

My heart intuitively knows that it’s already gone, and the grieving process begins long before the action happens.

Sometimes I'm crying because I know that I'm about to lose something important to me and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to hold on, I will lose it anyway.

But, it's always because I’m mourning a loss of something important to me, or even that I sense that loss coming.

I do cry a lot, yes.

When we cry, we mourn, we cleanse, and hopefully we begin to heal.

Yet, I’ve heard that if you've lost something or someone that's important to you and you don't cry, then you're not mourning that loss properly, effectively.

Having been told once that I cry too much.

Caught in an endless loop.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Locked Door



A glittering halo
Once surrounded me
Bright and forgiving
Now gone
Bent and broken
Blackened by reality
Part of my heart died
The consequence of letting you go
Vast emptiness
Stark and cold
Deep inside
I stand alone
Broken
The door is closed
The lock engaged
And still
Love and compassion remains
You are
And always will be
Mine
My heart
My breath…
Mine eternally
When I dream
I see you and feel you
Our souls coalesce
As they’ve always done
Then I wake
So far from you
So far from where we once were
Consumed by the ache
Existing half alive
Knowing all is as it should be
The evidence of you
Is stamped upon my soul
Alone
Missing you
Behind my locked door

** I wrote this poem for @christel42 to honor National Poetry Month and posted on her blog. She's a wonderful friend and writer. Thank You Christel.**

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Heard Them Clearly



One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
Your cunning cutting tongue
Slices my spoiled heart

My promises made
Were promises kept
And I’m still standing here
Holding foolishly
To a single strand of hope

Watching you walk away
Carrying the air I breathe
Wondering when you’ll love me again
Waiting for you to remember
Why you loved me before

Take with you as you go
The love I gave freely
Distort the depictions
Of you and me
Destroy our memory

One more time please
I don’t think everyone heard
The words you screamed
“I don’t want you anymore”
I assure you I heard them clearly

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Words

Winds whisper your words to me
I love you
And repeat
A million different ways

Your many faces
Make no difference to me
Only memories
A movie reel on repeat
Showing what was
Playing what is
Projecting what will never be

Tainted pictures painted of me
The story told
Words written in angry disdain
Cause pain
Yet hold no weight
Only the million ways
I love you
Inevitably warmed me
Remains

The pain hides within my eyes
My smile
Nothing more than polite disguise
Unchangeable and ever beautiful
To everyone but you

Again the winds whisper
Devoid of your feelings
Feelings I shouldn’t want or need
Feelings that mean too much to me

Saturday, January 29, 2011

If Only...



If only
If only the words I say
Would make you change your mind
Could make you try

If only
If only you still wanted me
What I’d give to hold you
And have you love me
As you did before

Fear dictates reasoning
Choices made constrict
There is no air to breathe
Squeezing all life out of me

If only
If only you could be you
With me
Wishes don’t come true
And hope is a fool

If only
If only I’d chosen differently
The intersection
A defining crossroad
This foolish play destroyed

Tangled in memories
Tangled up in you
What could have been
What used to be

If only
If only the words I say
Would make you change your mind
Could make you come back
To me

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Ache



Where do we go when we’re left alone? When the things we want or wish for are taken from us and the pain becomes so great that there is no room for anything but the ache?

It consumes everything.

How is it that you can walk away? Don’t you see? You’re integrated into every part of me. The secrets of my soul are yours to keep, to cherish or file away.

I have no choice. You’ll haunt me, a ghost that follows me through all my days and every dream. The last thought before I sleep, the first thought when I wake.

A constant presence that won’t ever leave, even as I suffocate.

You’ve turned and walked away, but I’ll never be free. Your words will play in my mind thousands of times.

“I love you, and I’m sorry."
A melody and a curse in so few words

“I love you too, and no one is sorrier than me.”
I can’t breathe.

Where do I go since you've left me alone? The things I want or wish for you’ve taken from me and the pain is so great that there is no room for anything but the ache.

It’s consuming everything.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Silent Goodbye

Alone with my fear
Reluctantly I rise
Clutching the pale sheet
Wound tightly about my form
No longer your willing captive
Shackled in the dark
Riddled with desperation
Quiet pleas for mercy
Unheard or ignored
My dignity stripped raw
Used at will
Marked with scars
A second skin confines
Tattooed impressions upon my soul
Unsure of my footing
One small step
Propels me away
Forward
Light filters through
A crack in the wall
Freedom beckons me
I wobble and advance
Toward the precipice
Balanced on the edge
I turn around and see clearly
Your eyes
Silently urging
Go
Take your leave from me

Hope crushed once more
Falling backwards
The pale material
Unfolds and flies above
A white flag of surrender
A silent goodbye
From me

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Corner

You must believe

I’m made of stone

My heart

Encased in steel

One look

I breathe

One touch

I’m free

One cruel word

Banishes me

Jettisoned

Orbiting misery

Heart clenched

Bracing me

Preemptively

I know too well the

Punishment I motivate

Silence you demonstrate

Gut wrenching pain

Pushes pink clouds away

Fostering darkened skies

Banished to the corner

Broken and torn

Somewhere inside

The depths of your mind

A dark corner

You’ve labeled mine

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Ugliest Girl in the World (guest post)

Hello everyone!

Here is a guest post from my very good friend @divine_pk. I hope you enjoy it.
I am honored to be able to share it with you.

I'm the ugliest girl in the world
I hide on the outside
With make up
With curls
When I'm thin people like me
Congratulations!
What an achievement
For abandoning myself
When I'm fat, people like me
Ugliness peeks through
So witty!
So smart!
So talented!
Thank god she's fat!
In between
Mother says with mother bias
What a pretty face
Father says with male bias
I'm an 8 out of 10
Thanks, Dad
Lovers know what I want to hear
But won't say
It will seem false
It will be false
After all
I am the ugliest girl in the world

Lovers compliment others
Words never said to me
For I am ugly
If I had the right kind of knife
I'd carve an X into my face
Diagonal
Right to left
Diagonal
Left to right
X-ed out
Then there would be no question
It's the wondering that kills me

Maybe, maybe it doesn't matter
Maybe, maybe I'm pretty
This woman lives in me, somewhere
Battling my ugly
Battered by my ugly
In me, two people who despise each other
No one sees my wounds
Agonizing wars, bitches brawl
If I had the right kind of knife
I'd cut them right out of my chest
Leaving a void
Where the pain was
A void
My ugly pain
MY ugly
Where would I be without my ugly?

Friday, May 7, 2010

Threading the Needle

Your words

Or lack thereof

Cut wounds

Deep within my soul

Broken pieces

Swallowed down

Slicing lines of disrespect

Seething bile in my throat

The forgotten fool

Sitting in my seat

Once me

Careful where you step

Your damage complete

Vomiting my pain

At your feet

I have no dignity

I’ve lost all grace

Threading the needle for a torn heart

Your words

Or lack thereof

Say everything

And nothing at all

Friday, April 9, 2010

Deafening

Locking me in
You walk away

Silence
Spreads through me

So deafening

Pounding my fists
Screaming

Shattered heart
Bleeding

Caressing the keys
Trembling

It's no use I can't leave

Every lock
Broken in me

Forever
Frozen within
My silent glass prison

Suffocating,
I can't breathe.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Maze

Tell me…

You hate

The glass maze

That separates

Us

Yet you stand outside

Polishing it until it

Sparkles and gleams

And I fight

I scream

And I cry

I’m lost inside

The maze…please

I need to be

On the other side

Tell me…

What would you do?

If I could break though

If I were there in front of you

Would you love

Me

More than you do

Now

Even when we argue

Would you grab me

Pull me to you

Bruise my lips…With your kiss

Hold me forever

But wait

The glass maze

Is there

It keeps me away

You

Stand outside

Polishing it until it

Sparkles and gleams

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Me

Alone

Tears fall from my heart

A place wrung dry

Empty

Denying Gods will

Me

Too many paths laid out

I don’t want to know

Truth

I refuse to let go

Broken

Alone

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Breathe

I can't speak, my lips fail to form the words
My mind refuses to cooperate

I see you waiting, always patient
Forever my gentleman

When I am ready, I will ask
But promise me please

Stay, wait for me
Don't go

You see, eventually the sun will shine
My words will sing

Hold me, in your arms I'll cry
Then I'll be able to breathe

Saturday, September 26, 2009

God

Where are you?
Are you hiding from me?
Please don't. I have grown accustomed to your presence in my head and in my heart.

I long to feel your arms around me again.
I'm so cold, my body shakes with the loss of you. You filled me up, made me whole.

So many questions fill my mind: Why did you abandon me? What should I do?
How will I find you again?

I am lost and alone; wandering with no direction.
I can't think anymore. Make it stop.
Please come back to me.